Get ready to laugh and/or groan and/or roll your eyes right out of your skull with this collection of clean jokes…
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
Because he was out standing in his field.
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.
Two fish are in a tank and one says to the other “do you know how to drive this thing?”
There’s no I in denial.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
A squirrel is living in a pine tree. One day he feels it shaking, looks down, and sees an elephant climbing the tree.
The squirrel asks: “What are you doing climbing my tree?”
“Well, I’m coming up here to eat some pears,” says the elephant.
“You idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears.”
“Well I brought my own pears.”
Me: Doctor you’ve got to help me, I’m addicted to Twitter.
Doctor: I don’t follow you.
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint
What do you call a psychic dwarf who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ Catholic!
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand on its own? Because it was 2 tired!
Why did the pencil take so long in the bathroom?
It was a #2!
Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side amputated? He’s all right now.
I didn’t believe it when they accused my dad of stealing from the road crews, but when I went home the signs were all there.
Q:What’s green, has four legs, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A: A pool table.