10 Unbelievable Facts about America

10 Unbelievable Facts about America

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10 Unbelievable Facts About America
Thomas Jefferson Facts
4th of July Fireworks Facts
Benjamin Franklin Facts
Statue of Liberty Facts
George Washington Facts
John Hancock Facts
Republican and Democrat Facts
Abraham Lincoln Facts
Geroge Washington VS Abraham Lincoln
Patriotic American Poll

ONE

If you turn off the lights and say “‘Merica!” three times, when you turn the lights back on Thomas Jefferson will appear and present you with a coupon for $5 off at Cracker Barrel (one per patriot allowed.)

TWO

While fireworks may have been invented by the Chinese in the 12th century, their use was not perfected until that one 4th of July Bobby Joe blew up that dang bullfrog with a bottle rocket over at Luke’s place. Remember that? It was freakin’ rad!

THREE

Benjamin Franklin actually suggested that the national bird not be the mighty bald eagle, but the filthy, nit-infested wild turkey. Everyone in Congress laughed at him, thinking he was just being “Silly ol’ Ben” again, until he burst into tears and ran weeping into the night.

FOUR

The Statue of Liberty – a gift to the U.S. from France – was originally constructed completely out of day-old baguettes. It was immediately devoured by seagulls upon arrival. France soon sent a replacement made of gull-proof steel which still stands today.

FIVE

George Washington’s dentures were made of wood, his glass eye was made of lead, and his hemorrhoid donut was made of old powdered wigs.

SIX

When John Hancock bent over to sign the United States Constitution his pants slipped down slightly revealing his blazing white, if not noble, gluteal cleavage. From then on his nickname was John “Liberty Bell” Hancock. You know…because of the crack.

SEVEN

Before the Republican and Democratic parties werer represented by elephants and donkeys, respectively, they were represented by more accurate animals. Unfortunately this caused some confusion because the animals were actually the same for both: a drunken, masturbating, slow-witted ape flinging shit into its own mouth.

EIGHT

Shortly after Abraham Lincoln’s election to the Presidency, an amendment to the Constitution was proposed that would have made it illegal for any male to grow a beard without a moustache ecause, c’mon let’s get serious, unless you’re Abraham Lincoln it looks pretty terrible.

NINE

Computer models programmed by MIT and CERN scientists have proven that if you pit George Washingotn against Abraham Lincoln in a fight to the death they will ultimately team up and whip the shout out of MIT and CERN scientists and then bring freedom to the other simulations currently running.

TEN

A recent poll of 2,000 Americans showed that 94% of them were proud to be American especially if the person administering the poll gave them a free ballpoint pen. The other 6% were immediately put on a terror watch list.

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