Get ready to laugh and/or groan and/or roll your eyes right out of your skull with this collection of clean jokes…

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
Because he was out standing in his field.

Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Two fish are in a tank and one says to the other “do you know how to drive this thing?”

There’s no I in denial.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.

A squirrel is living in a pine tree. One day he feels it shaking, looks down, and sees an elephant climbing the tree.
The squirrel asks: “What are you doing climbing my tree?”
“Well, I’m coming up here to eat some pears,” says the elephant.
“You idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears.”
“Well I brought my own pears.”

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To Who?
To whom.

Me: Doctor you’ve got to help me, I’m addicted to Twitter.
Doctor: I don’t follow you.

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

What do you call a psychic dwarf who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ Catholic!

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand on its own? Because it was 2 tired!

Why did the pencil take so long in the bathroom?
It was a #2!

Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side amputated? He’s all right now.

I didn’t believe it when they accused my dad of stealing from the road crews, but when I went home the signs were all there.

Q:What’s green, has four legs, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A: A pool table.

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